Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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