why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
