Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
