I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
