I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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