you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
