the condom got lost in my hair
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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