One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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