It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Randomize
