im drinking this country out of the recession.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
