Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.

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(480): View more from Arizona

This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...

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(337): View more from Louisiana

You going out tonight?

(318): View more from Louisiana

No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy

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(908): View more from New Jersey

She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office

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(732): View more from New Jersey

So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.

(848): View more from New Jersey

I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.

(732): View more from New Jersey

I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.

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