A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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