i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my being single is dangerous.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
