fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
