Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
