chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
