Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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