Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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