we have officially lost it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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