i wish there were pregnant emoticons
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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