You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
