Non-Jews are for practice
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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