Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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