Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
