hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she smelled like a LAN party
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
