well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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