Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
