1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
