I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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