the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
