That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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