problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
