I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
