I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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