we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
