A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
