you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
