Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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