This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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