Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
