if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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