It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
