bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He felt like a one man threesome
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let's get the cat blown out
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
