Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize