My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
