the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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