I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just want to make out with him forever
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
