After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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