Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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