I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I will pee on everything he values.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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