I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
