Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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