I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
