4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
