If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
