So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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