Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The air taste purple.
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