It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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