The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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