I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
